Dear readers,
I think we need to accept that anger is a natural human or animalistic reaction when our emotions have been provoked, inflicted by someone, an undesired fate or disappointment in our lives, or maybe news of something we don’t like. Wars, policies, corruption. Also, everyday life. Things and people irritate the shit out of us. Traffic, behaviour, attitudes. We’re all human, we are all fallible from time to time.
I guess it’s how we manifest and express that anger, that we should be asking. Is it ever appropriate to shout or scream or be aggressive or inflict violence because we can’t control our emotions or accept an outcome that is deemed unfavourable? It can be looked at from an individual’s or a group’s perspective. How many times have we seen a whole country or tribe inflict extreme violence or genocide against another in human history? Look at what’s happening in Gaza right now. I’m sure we can find certain circumstances to show anger, such as exacting revenge or overcoming a perceived injustice. This happens with unfortunate frequency in Honduras, especially due to the impunity of the authorities. Police don’t lift a finger to resolve a murder or violation, which leaves a family or gang no other option but to take the law into their own hands and seek their own form of justice. Hiring a hitman is cheap I hear; sadly, as is the value of life.
When I was younger, I used to fly off the handle a lot. It was mainly immaturity and impatience, but the amount of times I lost it and regretted it made me understand the need to stop, breathe, and reflect, or simply move away from a situation. I also saw how other people lost it, ended up in trouble with the law or their workplace, lost friendships or partnerships, and the reasons for the outbursts were never worth the consequences. These were important lessons for me to witness and learn from others’ mistakes.
I guess I learned to be assertive and build healthy boundaries with people who test my patience, or simply walk away from those who are toxic, and learn to forgive. It’s about realising our ego and weaknesses and learning techniques to communicate and channel anger in a controlled way. In short, it’s about turning weakness into strength. I can still lose my shit on bad days, but they are very few, I’m pleased to say.
But going back to the question of if it is ever appropriate to show anger, I guess, as stated above, we can find situations where we would express anger, or look back and justify our behaviour when we have lost our temper. But was it worth the surge in energy? What did the stress do for you? Have you ever seen an angry person and wish to adopt that lifestyle? Obviously, not. Instead of finding excuses to express anger, we should ask how we can channel this surge into something positive. It’s easier said than done, and I’m certainly not suggesting that we shouldn’t ignore our anger or be passive about it. That’s how people often turn angry and strange because they can’t find output to the pent-up anger, which manifests into other health problems, such as tumours and rashes, I believe. (Doctors are probably shaking their reads reading this). However, it is kind of transforming the yin into the yang, turning something dark into something bright, a heavyweight into proactivity.
I’m no expert, and I also struggle to practice what I preach. However, I do remember reading an interview in The Guardian back in 2019 with the French footballer Thierry Henry, a man I’ve always admired both for his skills and goals, and his punditry. I remember him discussing how he used anger from growing up in poverty in Paris as a driving force to push himself forward. Instead of letting anger consume him, he learned to channel it into improving his performance on the pitch, pushing himself to reach higher levels and achieve success, a key aspect of his mindset. The article has sat with me ever since and helped me in my daily life. In short, and rather self-mocking, Monsieur Henry changed my life.
So, here is my answer. Is an expression of anger ever appropriate? Of course, but maybe it is better to manifest that energy in another area of our life. Maybe we will find more success. Maybe we will be more like Thierry Henry.
This question is from the book Question Yourself by Dave Edelstein and I. C. Robledo.
Estoy de acuerdo contigo, gastamos tanta energía cuando nos enojamos y en la mayoría de los casos si no podemos manejar bien esa emoción terminamos tomando malas decisiones o bien, hiriendo a alguien más para luego sentirnos mal con nosotros mismos. Decidir invertir esa energía en otra acción/actividad requiere de un proceso que toma su tiempo pero vale la pena hacerlo.
Gracias por tu reflexion, Noamy. Un abrazo x
Fully agree! Anger is a normal and ok reaction to have at times but it’s best to put that anger to good use. I personally need to remember that but have gotten better at it with age…although I can always improve upon it. I’m going to look up that article and see if I can find it. Thanks for the thought provoking question.
Hi Phaedra. I’m glad you found it useful.
This was an interesting read! Regarding the possibility of channeling anger productively(as Henry claims to have done), it appears to me there are 2 ways to approach it. The first – which is a less spiritually evolved way of doing it- is motivating yourself through the emotional inertia of raw anger. This is a good start, but less reliable, as it depends on outwards circumstances being and remaining adversarial; what will keep you going when circumstances suddenly shift in your favor?
This leads me to the second, and more evolved approach, which is being driven by an unrelenting commitment to principle. That is to say, following the direction you’re going in regardless of how you feel. An approach that transcends the changing realm of emotions, it strikes me as both more virtuous and reliable. I guess you can call it “rational anger”, as the brute energy of the initial grievance that caused the anger, petrified into a principled, permanent commitment.